WRAP UP !

Today is Monday ,Last day of the year 2018 ,and well I am thinking of writing new year resolutions..oh yeah,like Joining Zumba dance sessions ,pwahaha…I should actually because I would love to get my bones mouving .But even before that I am grateful to God Almighty because it has been quite some year for me and my family ,but when I look back I am only able to say that God has seen us through .

Oops ,just swallowed some sweet Water melon.

Comparing this and last year ,last year was bad this was what it was .Next year hopefully will be a good year ,yes ,its good to be optimistic about life and what it hands you over. Scars have to heal right ?..depending on what type of a scar it was and what led to you having a scar .But marks will always be left to let you know that something are there to stay. You choose how to respond whenever you look at those permanent marks…

Mine ,I know they are there to stay ,but I choose to embrace them rather than keep on wishing them to go away or hiding them .Those were lessons I can hardly run away from ..

Aside from that ,I know there is so much good in our “stories,both the good and the bad they are all our stories.”….Michelle Obama.

I have being a sister ,daughter ,niece ,grand daughter , friend ,enemy ,Wise young lady …hehe…colleagues and all that above all I have been a Child of the Universe ,Scared by life ,ripped off by life but i am still not giving up …I am still not trying to prove myself but to be myself always in all circumstances both joyful or rough times…

YOU GOTTA OWN YOUR OWN G.R.I.T

YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH …OR ELSE GIVING UP WILL BE THE NEXT OPTION FOR YOU..

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A DIFFERENT KIND OF CHRISTMAS.

As I sat down to do my Quiet Time Bible study ,I gazed at the window and my mind was taken back a far ,I had a compelling flash back to what my Holiday was back then..not because I was regretting my past ..No ,but how far I have come .I would like to count and compare my struggles of the past but today I look back and wonder how was I able to push through …

I pause ,and see the leaves tremble my heart is pumping slow but steady and my mind is blown away. I am tackling Psalms 97..,’ The Lord reigns ‘…which goes on and on till the very end ..I look what pages remain of me for the Quiet Time but ,I have a long wat to go…but I really enjoy the time I have set for the Study of the Bible and commuting to it .

But I have a belief that I am going to have the most Lovely Christmas Ever surrounded by Family ,Like in the play ‘ Christmas Dreams ‘…which was performed in church..,oh how I looked forward to watching it that Sunday afternoon I seemed not to care how long I had to wait till it began I think what made it easier for me was I had company of friends with me…and my mother knew exactly where I was..

See, Change is inevitable…no matter how much of a Super Hero I would want to be ,there are something of the things I have to really pray hard to forget ;Like my past…Ouch …its croaks in mind and I dare say I hate that moment .Moving Forward is always my goal in life but am hoping little by little ,bit by bit am going to reach my Destiny…

So this Christmas ,all I want to do ,is to Enjoy my time with my Family,Eat and play with my Cousins ,Spend time with my Granny’s…all of them…And to be honest work on My Quiet Time.As for 2019 and the rest of everything I am rest assured that God is Control….

MY EXPERIENCE AT W .O. L

All way high school I have always tried my best not to go to Christian Union Club ,not because I was not a christian but I really had no role model in the Christian life ,I always thought it was boring or the worst I thought, that people would not approve of me. But at some point in my third year in highschool i managed to go for a Christian camp which sadly confirmed christian life boring because their rules were overridden and probably I had high expectations about it.

So my friend was the reason I stayed for the rest of the days.

When I joined a new church it changed my perspective of Christian life being boring ,it opened me up to a whole new amazing world , Where i got to be surrounded by people who are open minded ,they showed they had good interests at heart and said good bye to my former church.

The best asset in my current Church is that there are Bible study sessions which for me are cool as opposed to just having readings and that’s all. I juggled between leaving my friends and joining a new church and I made up my mind to go God’s way the rest of my life .Going there has been a great experience to the extend that if it happens I miss Church I always feel empty even when I can read the Bible everyday thought the help of Quiet Time..

So it happened that because of my passion to volunteer ,..I got a chance to go for a training at Word Of Life for counsellors during the Holiday camps. I was really happy but then again there was a mixture of fear and sadness because lately people want to limit my Progress .Even when I passed this across I could still see people not wanting to let me go…But then the amazing thing happened I managed to go even when I did not feel the support …at some point I thought I would not make it.

Being an extreme talkative girl ,I thought I would find quiet people and I will be all by myself but it was great ,I got my like Talkative people and the Hall had to bear all that .One thing which I brought with me from home was my small knowledge of the Bible ,because my colleagues and facilitators seemed to have more and more knowledge of the Scriptures and from that training onwards I have made it deliberate to do My Quiet Time seriously ,it feels wonderful .

So the Camps began and fear crept in because this was going to be my first time as a counsellor (Volunteer) at Word Of Life and the amazing thing was I had to really pray that I don’t quit because of fear ,So my first week was full to the brim in terms of activities and above all Service to the Campers and Word Of Life .As I was sitting on the green grass I was trying to correct my mindset from the experience I had in the previous camp as a Camper and the experience I was having as a counsellor .

Word Of Life ,helped me change my mindset on Christianity and life as whole that living a Christian life is not boring ,Its fun….we can have singing games in Christian songs ,We can dance ,Yes ! But dance appropriately .We can Pray and eat and accommodate each other having in mind we come from different ethnic groups…

Learning takes a process ,but learning is what we do…

W. O .L.

Kind Regards .

I LOVE TO LALA.

As I grow old ,my hunger for sleep is growing too! Who hates sleep any way..but there is that particular time when sleep tends to dominate more so when you have a project to finish ,because at the beginning it will try not to dare knock,reason being the enthusiasm you have to work on it ,the excitement ,Wacha tu,..I have come to realise I sleep for just a few hours yet extend at the wrong hours.

I always set my Alarm really early in the Morning because I want and need to be an early bird but sleep keeps failing me most of the times ,but am still yet to wake up and lest I forget when I do wake up early because there are those times I Champion my sleep ,I tend to go back after two to three hours of activity…which I extend and loose track of my day…

I enjoy taking a nap ,since it makes my wandering mind to rest fully and keep off anxiety of which I cannot do this during the day ,its a no -no..

But why does sleep come a few hours to when you want to get up and Champion the day….why can’t sleep come when you have all the time to sleep . Am just hoping you won’t come when I have a big appointment and ruin the whole thing .But I have also had those days when I dropped in bed early and got a great nap almost immediately but it lasted a few hours into the night then for the rest of the other hours i had to stay awake ..so I had to listen to music until I slept without knowing ,so the next morning when I woke up I nearly ran ,because of the music in my ears …my earphones were still playing music …I was thinking a ghost was whispering in my ears…

Ever had such an experience ,am still begging my sleep to stop this habit of getting in the way of my Mornings….

But also let me give you some advise ,When you seeor get me sleeping please let me be…..I still want to borrow the adage that says ..

Let the Sleeping dogs lie ,if you wake them up they will bite you…POINT TO NOTE;..I am not a dog but I love dogs ….not the slay dogs though ,only those that are Pretty and Sophisticated ones. .only…German Shepherd type . ..A bulldog.. …(Its my Sophisticated kind).

Anyways I value my sleep….who doesn’t?

UNFAIR ADVANTAGE

The other day I attended a girl’s conference ..not those conferences that are setup to condemn the ‘Boy child ‘ because in the first place they are the ones who were in charge of the whole program in terms of setting up the place ,photography,and all the Tech work that was required ..So get me right without them I am not sure we will be okay because we all need each other,don’t we? Their input in our lives is highly appreciated.
The very first time I attended ,it was hosted by Oyunga Pala ,Yes,.you heard me right. It was quite an engaging session, about relationships and more so “Why Men treat their Partners with silence and one thing that to this moment i hold up that was said on that day was that “80% when a guy decides not to show up for you as his friend or lover,is not about you or us.. girls ..,its not because you have wronged your partner but most likely its about them ,he did mention that men have a different way of sorting their issues as compared to us…on the other side.

I also recall the Lady who was also on the same stage that day, from Capital FM , and her story which was needless to say full of pain ,indeed behind everyone’s laughter there is a story.

She ,narrated of..How she suffered from silent treatment and divorce and how she recovered from it..she talked about at one point being an alcoholic,to depression and her journey to recovery I am sure by this time I was crying deep inside and extremely sad because way back then I used to think this were superheroes wait a minute ,I used to look up to them since they never used to show it ,until I knew that everyone is fighting a battle everyday ,I felt ashamed to have ignored their humanity. So it was good ..to know that whenever somebody gives you ” Silent treatments …more so men..please don’t beat yourself up because there is an 80% likelihood you are not at fault dear so ..let’s move on…He will better catch up later! .Hoping it will not be too late.

Time came when the Management ,took on a different path and now took I don’t want to say a permanent Hostess for the particular conference but she has been there for the last many sessions they have held it ,they might change sometime later,but they chose a person who had and still is in the limelight bit impacts in a positive manner but for this one ,this one I let her be human ,I remember mentioning a few flaws of herself which I could relate to.

This time around the most unusual thing that happened ,is that they had changed the conference room,which they took to the new wing of the Village Market Mall,and this time around the space was bigger unlike the rest of the times people had to stand the whole ,i felt the new ambience even way before I could find my way there. At the entrance there was some people giving free books and with my pride I tried to ignore but for the love of books I just chose to pick the books ,despite I try not to pick anything randomly because you never know…

I found myself wandering around the hall we had used for the previous conference but it was not occupied ,so the next thing that caught up with me was fear ,I normally ask for directions other times when I get stuck in an unfamiliar place but this time I was frozen..a tall ,young lady passed and said hello to me..I think she noticed my low ,shaken voice trying to gather a “hello ” back. I tried my level best ,and excused myself after that to get the directions to the conference room. Its like those walls were speaking to me..to just walk away but something in me ..just kept on protesting to keep on trying….and l had lost all hope ,she introduced herself and ..She was just going to the same event and the funny thing she was part of the Village Market team..actually ,she is a Customer Care attendant at the Mall. Suddenly my inner critic was shut down in an attempt to make me give up.

The Theme for the day was about “Women at the work place.”

I have had to work at some point in my life and even volunteer but never did it occur to me about the battles women have to go through at their work places ,I have seen people complain and more so interns be it on newspapers or heard them verbally complain about mistreatment at the work place. This two are the most vulnerable ,the women and the interns in Kenya ..if not the larger parts of Africa have higher chances of getting into harsh working environments.

So the Hostess had invited a colleague who is an expert in Human resource Management ,a face we have all being seen only in newspapers but never met..as far as I am concerned, I was happy to meet her as well as learn a lot from her,and since this was one of those rare moments you know ..when you get to see someone you have been seeing on television or heard them from Radio stations and on newspapers there is that feeling of excitement that shoots from the spine down to the feet. At this point I was anticipating to get to ask her questions ..or just find a way to talk to her ,I think that would make me to freelance in the air for the next few days ,not because she is a goddess but she was a Lady who despite all odds became all and more of what she could and still what she can.

The discussion was opened by the hostess and by the look of things the conference room was full,the women here from what I observed were girls with external confidence but deep inside wounded by the unfair treatment they had gotten from relationships ,the work environment they had to endure and the world at large. We started out well ,watched relevant videos about the work place ,got into and open discussion ,exchange of advise and critical moments until now no one could take in more ,and so we closed up at least doing what we could for the day,the rest its up to you to do more research or get the relevant people and their contacts for more.

Most of the unfair advantages the men got…of course I took with me some of the ideas given ,and would like to share with you is that …

  • Men always took more salaries home ,while they contributed 30% yet the Women settled for less or were okay with what they were earning yet they always and will always contribute 50%
  • Men more than women ,will always ask for a pay rise ..it is often told that hardly will a woman walk to her boss to ask for a pay rise but there is that 10% that does , and 6%of them settle for only confronting once but the remaining percentage always push harder and only after a long time of colliding with their Human resource manager or when they dare much to do it themselves.
  • A point to note …we women sometimes settle for less and give more as opposed to our counterparts. Not because we want to but ,because we want to hang on and get comfortable while our Men don’t really ,hang on ,they explode.!.

The reason why I ,I think ..”if I were a boy …I would..because Men are taught from the word go to be hunters and that is what they do…even at the work place …oh gosh…yes I admire you but …I am loving in becoming a( Woman .)…because even if I wish to become one….There is a huge part of me which loves being a girl…I cannot bear being a Transgender since they also have their troubles that come with it…

I don’t hate Transgender ,but I appreciate their nature ,they found themselves that way..and they fight a lot of battles ,such as ,so much of rejection,they receive a lot of rejection from family ,friends and the world at large.

  • Women are afraid to speak up ,fearing to get fired ,yet its better to speak up and demand what is rightfully yours ,other than contend mediocrity…Let’s speak up,because if we don’t you find out that it is the same timidity that allows you to get sexually harassed at the workplace .
  • Men have no excuses when handed an assignment which will make them leave their cozy homes and relocate for women we have attachments to our families and we compromise maybe two or three times ,while you can have an arrangement of how to operate when travelling for work related trips out of the country ,I think that is why Men are entrusted with more and give less while ourselves give more and receive less.

So let’s get ourselves Excellent bargains

Run with the Cheetahs ,they won’t bite ,you will actually become one of them.

Gracious ,

I woke up abruptly ,turning to my left side of the bed ,lifted my head and it was 6.30am ,time out!Oopsy doopsy! I gasped throwing my blankets away as I headed to take a shower ..Too bad I did not get time to plan for my day, I had a clue of what my day would be like precisely. But no matter what ,I knew I had to thrive..I had to have a good day because I knew I had to appreciate life and good health and it was June 19th..(Spiritual Birthday )..its been an year in Christ and it felt like I had achieved a lot .The transformation period was pure effort plus struggles but I had people around me to lean on when times got hard.

Truly ,God saw me through ,rejection ,pain ,loss ,I wanted to quit my life or rather wanted God to just simply end it but he surely had other plans for me,and he is beginning to give me the directions on how I should move ,the fact that I have my total trust in Him makes me feel okay even when I am in distress and my life is in troubled waters ..and sometimes I ask myself how can I leave without God because he has control over everything ;Body ,mind and soul .He knows your next step ,your plans ..though I know he laughs out loud when we make our own plans without consulting Him or asking Him to direct us!

Through the thick and thin he is ensuring that his Grace is double sufficient ,letting Him in…..into my bloodstream..through my veins and arteries the connection with Him is certain and real..Everything going according to His plans connected to mine..Its good to know he is looking after me as well as my life ..

It feels so great under his wings and letting Him take control over everything ,even when people want to treat you bad ,you simply make it a point not to thrash back at them but let God deal with them not karma any more..haha..I find peace in His presence ,the feeling is awesome ,more awesome than taking soda and cake in this July cold.

Am keeping God and letting everything else flow…like liquid because I belong to Him and not vice -versa..

Gracious is the word I use …if I find a more better word to explain this I will surely return here and change the title…hehe!

THE BOY IN BRAIDS

A client called in ,to know how far I was ,I was going to deliver some items for her which she needed urgently .I have not been out for a while ,I wonder what has been keeping me from doing so ,I take a taxi to the Village Market ,that’s where my client is at the moment ,I love this place and but its waaay expensive for me to eat… I can see a lot of white people taking their coffee ,catching up with a friend and relatives or doing business …its this simple to close a deal over a cup of cappuccino .

This takes me back to those coffee Fridays with my friends .Even though nowadays I have out grown mutura I miss it..like do even people outgrow mutura or loose the crave ,I think I lost the crave because perhaps I lost the group I used to hang out with during mutura time …when we used to buy in turns ..which was more sweeter when it was another a turn to buy and dare not to be broke when it comes because a heavy penalty embarked if you refused to buy during your turn..so if you had no cash you would have to borrow eh!

So I had my carrier bag full of stuffs inside ,I alighted ├ánd decided to wait at the gate as I watched the white people go inside ,but something that really caught my eye was their simplicity in the way they dress,a vest top and shorts and sneakers that’s all..The only problem I have is to do a lot of laundry because in just one day I have overdressed ,covering every part of me..because I am African,where you are judged harshly if found in a booty short..showing those legs and probably that anklet which you thought was beautiful but they say it has a bad meaning ..that pink vest crop top ,that covers half of your stomach and the beaded waistband round your flat tummy and those nicely done long braids by your local stylist who loves lots of gossip,and you keep wondering what’s with her. Africans are used to dictating and deciding what and how much you should cover your body….pisses me though !

I felt as though I am in my own space …though I was still in my Homeland Kenya .But as I waited my eyes caught up with his….Boy in braids …..He was tall and dark but in a pink dress ,black stocking ,some flat shoes and a navy blue blazer .Her hair though,was braided in long purplish braids and she held a pizza package from pizza hut ..I got confused ,do you know why ?its because I did not know what gender he was and since I did not want to appear judgie I moved aside ,as he talked to a colleague since he was shouting ,I could hear what they were talking about ,the colleague was white and wanted to know where his hair was done …I wasn’t eavesdropping though .So he actually wanted longer braids than that …what!..those he had were loooong????!

My client came and picked her stuffs after saying hi,she went back to her business but I was left there with a lot of questions travelling in my head….

Love

Love,

Love increases the pace of the heartbeat,

It makes blood to run ,

Makes the brain to run out of ideas,

Causes the rough skin to smoothen ,

Makes life to rock en roll,

Love is a good thing ,

In the midst of life hustles,you rest in love ,

Its gracious …love and live ,

It kisses in the rain,shines in the sun,

Drips slowly from my head to toe..tip ! tap!

It comforts a wailing soul,

Walks in the light with a smile,

Shines so bright like moon and the sun ,

Builds a hanging wall,

Live ,laugh , love.

Be famous in love,

Laugh out loud for how you love,

L-ve en L-ve..eeeh!

Love en live,

Love heals all shattered dreams ,

Love and love ,because above all love makes everything beautiful.

It awakens the dreams,

Despicable !

It’s that time of the year when its so chilly ,you can’t tolerate an empty stomach ,its unbearable..I want to know the secret to having a good ,chilly day without shivering because its empty and gross at the same time .I try as much as possible to keep myself off cold drinks and anything cold including holding cold hands ,so warm yours if you want us to hold each other as we walk downtown in the evening as we go back to our houses and as our routine to have some roasted maize at the matatu terminus ,that well kept guy who lives me wondering how he is able to keep himself neat despite his counterparts choosing another way of life….because after having my roasted maize I enter this matatu which has loud music probably making no sense and the vehicle starts its journey ,we are so squeezed in like bananas going to be sold in the market place ,the conductor insists we sit in fours like sweet pellets ,you hear them shout “Wanne ,wanne kama Orbit oyeeh! twendee,” After sometime the conductor raises his arms to reach out for the money at the back ,whatever that follows makes me to bury my head in between my thick thighs aish !don’t ask how thick …just know they are thick !

My neighbour notices the and laughs her head off ,and am wondering how one could afford to laugh when that smell makes one feel dizzy ,the conductor does not notice or is he ignoring since he knows ..yes he knows he has his own and natural kind if cologne which makes people pass out ! Am not almost home but I am praying in silence because I can’t wait to come out of that vehicle. I take out my phone to make myself busy because I need to desperately distract myself and the forthcoming events which are about to get down before I reach my destination .As people alight at their different stops ,we reduce and probably this time I can get a seat of my own and make myself comfortable and distance myself from the conductor .I notice in front of me ,there is this skinny girl in her sleeveless,white, short dress the only effort she has made to keep herself warm is by tacking her hands in her pockets ..yes pockets …the dress has pockets .It seems we are in different worlds but nooh!we are in the same vehicle for God’s sake. On my far left there us this guy who is in his blue shorts exposing his hairy ,African legs ,..you know what I mean ..wink ,wink ,I like his white shirt ..and his pair of Vans shoes ……..,.lover of rubber shoes ,they are simple and help me walk wherever ,whenever but depends with who ,of course with those who enjoy long walks filled with laughter and sweet ,meaningful conversations .

Back ,to the hairy ,African legs ,I realise I am in my own freezing world almost deciding to take off my warm clothes and be like the rest ,but I remember being told that never try to compare yourselves with others you never know what would happen if I exposed myself to this cold ,would my chest congest or would I just be okay .I don’t want try because my hate for taking in those pills or having those injections still remain to be a no -noh .So I then decide that every one has his or her own magnitude of cold and this one is my cold. My trench coat is long enough to become my dress on top of another dress and my knee length boots of which makes sure no cold goes down to my feet and my beautiful scarf ensuring my head is held up high ,unfortunately I forgot my pair of gloves ..wait am i experiencing winter alone. As I breath in and out smoke come out my mouth don’t mistake me for a cigarette smoker ,I don’t want to even try that stuff or any other ..I want my lungs to be in good condition always even during my last breath .

Finally, I alight the matatu ,I stand to breath in some fresh cold air and then begin my journey home .People are getting out of work and so I might catch up with someone who is going my way and start a conversation from nowhere and within no time I will be home. I hope to get a good story teller ,that in between the conversation I shall smile ,laugh and maybe cry ,when it ends I will be impressed and I will crave for another story .

I will stumble in my mind for a few minutes ,breath in and finally let goh!

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